Memoirs

I was just thinking of what to write today when I got some disturbing news from back home. And that's when I pen this poem, being the last entry of January.

As the darkness was growing outside
I was sitting inside my room
with shadows looming on the wall
of the past in front of my eyes.

I closed my eyes
to shut the images
Thought that it might just work
but reopened to drown myself in same fears.

How to erase your painful past
to emerge happy and gay?
How to make your mind free from images
that darken your each day?

I feel bound in a spider web
trying to find a way out
can you help me with this
to entangle myself?

To accept reality is the most painful part
to live through is easier than that.
They say that time is a healer
But does that not also open wounds
which you were never ever able to heal.

As the darkness keeps growing
I sit confronting these thoughts
not realizing that somehow deep inside
maybe I have already initiated the
process to accept and let out.
Still I keep walking  aimlessly
to seek few answers!

Entropy control

My thoughts are playing tricks on me
saying every moment catch me if you can
they keep running helter-skelter
laughing at my state of affairs.

What a beautiful mind they say
What a conscious state of mind they say
What an alive mind they say
I say what a screwed up mind it can be!

Interestingly do you control your thoughts
or thoughts control your actions.
Who came first chicken or the egg
is this not the same confusion?

I seem to be playing cat and mice
I got to think clear
I got to stop the amok behavior
Sit back and rationalize
be logical and clear.

Mind is like a cage
Thought is a bird flying to get out of cage
It depends on you
to design its maiden flight
for your actions to boast
of a beautiful, conscious, alive mind.

Sea of Emotions

Lying on the sand
staring at the dark sky
The moonlight starry night
with the man you love by your side.

Hands in hands you walk
along the sandy beach
with water splashing on your bare feet
leaving your footprints for sea to fill.

Sitting on the rocks
watching the high tide
thinking about all the endless waves
hitting against the same rocks every time.

What calmness and what energy
What anger and fury
What relaxation and loneliness
What silence and passion
What flood of emotions can the sea unfold in me!

These are few of my favourite things...

Few things I have experienced, few remain to be explored!

1. Sitting on huge French window in a high rise building seeing the city lights with a cup of coffee with light music in background.

2. Sitting next to the river stream in the silence of the night to be able to hear the sound of water hitting against the rocks. - Memories from Jim Corbett

3. Watching the sea and waves at dusk with the wind beating on your face - memories from Worli Sea face

4. Driving through a foggy day and trying to form shapes in the car's headlights- Delhi Winters

5. Watching the distant lights on a highway.

6. Listening to the thunderstorm sitting at home.

7. Repeatedly listening to the songs I love and each time that I listen I have something new to savor.

8. Lazing on weekend and reading a book I love with a cup of tea.

9. Drinking and getting high with friends I love - each time is a new experience and a new story - memories from college and work days!

10. Driving through city on a rainy day.

11. Romeo and Juliet - From the first time that I heard the song.

The list will continue to grow!

Disruption

I sat there on a speeding train
and watched the little villages go by
the children running with the train
and waving hands to say goodbye.

I sat behind the wheel in my car
watched the distant lights on a highway
Yellow light of a lantern in a hut
silos and granaries passing by.

I sat on a cruise ship
waiting to see the light from a lighthouse
wondering how does that feel
to see a light gleam in a the middle of dark ocean!

I sat at my home
opened the tele and saw the news
the earthquake shook the whole place
the tusnami washed the whole city
the bomb wiped the entire town!

What blazing lights and sounds
What hues of colors
What wrath of nature
What mystique of wilderness
And to destroy it all what imagination of mankind
always trying to master God's creativity!

Conceive the future!

After watching an energetic and high paced movie " Run Lola Run" it confirms my belief to live life in "if's and but's". However idiotic and unproductive the exercise is, it does give you at times the only ray of hope that you need to keep moving forward in your life. Though am sure that lot many would disagree with me and the idealistic and yeah maybe the right way to lead life is to keep you eyes and ears open to reality and lead life as practical as you can. But who is ideal today and do you always want to live life in code of conduct policy?

In our everyday life, we follow all the rules of the game whether it is at work place, in all 50 odd relationships we are into, career and any other facet of our lives. So when you are alone with yourself and maybe have time to think, which in  any case you are always running against time, it can result into a productive and happy hobby to have and why not?

It's said that unless you dream big you cannot achieve heights. I have extrapolated that to say that unless you think of alternative way your life could be , you would not know how can you change it. Though it's a dangerous game to play at times as well, yet it's interesting and I agree that you should always be in realm of reality. You should have the sanity to know what can be changed and what cannot be changed and at what juncture in life. Here, I will quote few lines which have always helped me to move forward in my life and overcome crisis:

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

So go on and take the chance, think of alternatives and don't just make it an unproductive exercise. It should be something to make you move forward rather then lament about the past. No one can change things retrospectively but we all have abilities to mold the future. The core idea being that you need to take time out to think what you can do , what you are capable of doing and how can you go about getting what you want.  And at time that will require to break few traditional old rules!

Emoticon

Love
Yearn
Loathe
Whats the extent of obsession?

Intense
Depth
Hunger
Whats the extent of passion?

Craving
Sex
Lust
Whats the extent of making love?

Excitement
Fervor
Drive
Whats the extent to achieve happiness?

Magnificence
Outstanding
Majestic
Whats the extent to find beauty?

Greed
Gluttony
Indulgence
Whats the extent to say enough?

Do we ever stop
Do we ever give in to say
this should be it
Always its the race
to run and reach it's end.

At the end of the race
We sit too tired too old to even remember
all the emotions we felt
all the sacrifices we made.
What should have been precious was
the journey in itself than the end!

Dreamy Dreams

Dreams Dreams Dreams
What a beauty is in these words
Makes you smile to think
of all the things you have in your dreams.

You dream about all that you desire
All the joys you crave for
All the success you want
All the love you can have.

Success is at your doorstep
Girlfriend is knocking on your door
Wealth is your Welcome doormat
and health is your keyhole.

What a beautiful world
is the world of dreams.
All gay and gaiety
with only colors and everything at arm's reach.

Come the reality, come the dawn
Come the labor to achieve it all
Come the hope to make it to the top
Again to enter into the wonderful
World of Dreams!

Who are you without dreams
just like a dead man walking
Who are you without hopes to do something
Hopes and Dreams come together
each giving you a reason to laugh and live a dream!

Fulfillment

Sit back and relax
to see the beauty of sun and stars
to look at the green fields
and taste the red strawberries!

Come and play
Go for a walk at dawn
share a glass of wine at dusk
with friends who stood by you all your life.

Make time from work
to be on date with whom you love.
Enjoy the togetherness and special bond
that you have with this someone.

Dance like you have never danced before
Make love as you have never made love before
Laugh like you have never laughed before
Do all that your heart tells you
Do all that makes you smile
and love yourself more!

Paa - A Review

It's been almost a week since I wrote anything. The week has been hectic with trip to Chicago, ankle sprain and work. There goes my resolution of writing everyday!

Finally I watched "Paa" this week. After strong recommendations, reviews and mass approvals for this movie, I was slightly disappointed after watching it. No doubt Amitabh Bachhan's (AB) performance was brilliant - largely attributed to his make up and the lisp to talk like a 12 year old. It sure takes creativity and imagination to make a 67 year old talk like and behave like 12 year old.

What was disappointing was that the movie lacked emotion. The movie was staged around a 12 year old boy suffering from this rare disease - Progeria, but it failed to give it's central theme more depth and understanding of the character. The boy's life is shown to be perfectly normal, school life is superb with a lot of friends and no social stigma whatsoever. Traditionally you will see this flaw in some other Balki directed movies as well - "Cheeni Kum" wherein you have this extremely happy cancer suffering girl "Sexy". The whole personification of some of his characters lack reality and seem to be overtly precocious. By the end it seemed just like any other Bollywood flick with the only difference being a child born with Progeria.

Maybe I was benchmarking the movie to "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and in comparison the movie definitely failed. Also, in comparison to the movie  "Taare Zameen Pe" which was staged around the central theme of Dyslexia where the character was an 8 year old boy, Paa was not a comparison. While it was a novel idea and a great performance by AB, I felt the movie could have been so much better for the 2.5 hours time that it ran for. Poor dialogues and average music did not make things any better. The great thing was the movie did not waste its time on showing the early romance between Vidya Balan and Abhishek Bachaan, which ideally should have given more time to focus on the central character- 12 year old boy. It should have focused more on challenges faced by the boy, his emotions, his understanding of the disease and the world as seen from his vision.

In all, the movie lacks to integrate and have a unified central theme. The only take away from the movie is the brilliant make up done for AB and his performance which truly has no parallel. For only that, I recommend you make time for it and watch.

Dreary winters!

Couple of lines I remember from long time back!

Winters are back again and God! Do I hate the cold
Now hear the teeth chatter and watch the woolens unfold
a hot cup of coffee, a dash of whiskey and a warm fire at our feet
Lets get the show rolling, and yes you can take your seat
the birds aren't gonna sing, they're so frozen that their voices have gone on hold
Winters are back again and boy! Do I hate the cold.

Broken Wings

Can you ever mend a broken heart
can you ever mend a broken frame
Can you ever smile at the love you lost
Can you ever forget the love you had!

Things come and things go
but remnants of past remain forever
Can you forget the past
and learn to live in present!

You remember what you have been told
Time and tide waits for none
And you try to move ahead to catch time
and all you think is how to kill time.

But you learn to smile
you learn to love the pain
you learn to gain out of sufferings
and you learn to have in faith in God above!

What's there to fight the fate for?
What's there to accept the fate for?
You eventually understand
that it was meant to be as it is!
For a good greater than
what you understand now.

Faded Memories!

Moving across the streets
on cobbled pathways
reminds me of days
spent in aimless wanderings.

I think about the blue skies and green fields
simple joys of life
which had lot more meaning
that what it is today.

All the good things of past
fade away in memory
in trying to start
new possessions of glory.

When do we stop
and take a breath
Rest and enjoy
all the pleasures we have had.

Time does not stop
but we got to stop somewhere.
Wherein lies the love and peace
and all the joys of distant past.

Waiting for weekend to start!

After writing such a dull poem, I thought I just have to write something happier. Finally the weekend arrives after 5 days of work which was after a great holiday season. So you desperately need another weekend to get you back in work routine. I have completed reading 100 odd pages of fountainhead and loving it and understanding it until now.
Feel like playing in snow and doing aimless wanderings!
Time to open a drink, sit by fire and watch a movie.

Reckless thoughts

I sit next to the fire thinking about
What we had
What we lost
And what went wrong.

The snow keeps falling
And logs keep burning
My thoughts keep stirring
Making my head go heavy.

My heart burns in pain
To dream about the life we had.
And in the heart of heart I know
Nothing last forever.

So here I am again
On the crossroads of life
Thinking about what we had and what we lost
And all I can think is what a beautiful journey it was!

Revisiting Fountainhead!

I think everyone reaches a stage in life when they pick up Ayn Rand - Fountainhead again and try to rationalize the book in their heads. I remember reading the book when I was 18 and frankly at that point of time in my life, it just did not make any sence to me at all. I was totally unable to fathom the practical aspect of the book and was not ready to accept the book as mere philosophy with no real bearing in the world we live in.

Yesterday night, now again on the crossroads of life, I pick the book and start reading. After 12 years since the time I read the book, a lot has changed and I have personally grown up to form my own ideas and thoughts and philosophies. Working now in real job environment, making compromises on job ethics, going through a lot in life in terms of professional and personal life, I wonder will that book have a different meaning to me now. I wonder will I finally be able to understand the central theme of the book. Somehow it appears to me that the book shares a similar personality as Howard Roark, you can hate it or love it, swear by it...but you definitely cannot ignore it.

It will surely be an interesting read for me this time and am totally looking forward to it!

Gurucharan Das - thinker of Modern India

Since my new year kinda resolution was to attempt writing each day..wondering now what to write on? Nothing motivated me today..nothing stirred my grey cell..nothing excited me about the day except for a small discussion I had with one of the cousins...the continuous debate on staying in India V/s USA.

Oh how much we have thrashed this debate in our head..how much have we deliberated on the issue..how much have we thought that on finishing higher education we should be back where we belong! Indians by nature are emotional people, family oriented and gregarious people liking the presence of social gathering and family support. Whenever i think about this debate in my head, I am always reminded of Gurucharan Das - Harvard graduate and former CEO of Procter & Gamble India. I remember reading his interview that on three junctures in life he had a choice to make whether to stay back in US or go back to India. And in all three times he decided that it was to go back.

Personally I feel a lot motivated by Gurucharan Das and his famous quote “ You need two things: you must have the hunger for success and the desperation to achieve it. It's as if your life won't be complete until you succeed. That fundamental discontent has to be there. Got it?" I think it's all excuses of lame and lazy mind to say that nothing can happen in India and have much better life, money and growth staying abroad. You yourself should be responsible for what you make of your life or else be a blind follower of destiny!

Time for me to read his recent book " Difficulty of Being Good-On the Subtle Art of Dharma"

Masterpiece - LOTR

2010 arrives! First entry of the year! I am wondering what to write?

Well after having spend an extremely lazy weekend, mainly spending time watching movies..guess have nothing better to write than writing about my extreme fondness and appreciation for Lord of the Ring.
I think I might have seen the trilogy atleast 15 times and each time that I see, I can find something new to appreciate about the character, cinematography, music of the dialogues. It's so amazing to see the book been captured into the movie not escaping any emotion that was expressed in the book. The parallel that I can draw to LOTR is the Indian mythology epic " Mahabharata" . These are splendid work of arts written expressing each and every emotion a man can ever go through in his lifetime whether they are the 7 deadly sins or the 7 holy virtues! They got it all for us to see, experience, feel and analyze.

Other than great performances, few quotable quotes of the movie (taken from the JRR Tolkien) are unforgettable-“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back. There are some things that time can not mend. Some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold.”
"You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole for many years".

Whatever aspect of the movie it is - story, direction, photography, art works, music, it's absolutely flawless and any accolades for the movie will be less.
If JRR Tolkien created a masterpiece, so did Peter Jackson in giving it life and form!